Naize

Motivation is but temporal, love is but eternal.

2011-03-21T04:33:00.002+08:00

Hi guys.

I was driven to type after reading the past posts which I penned. They were kind of down, but truly reflected my feelings.

Life's been kind to me, giving me time with many a good friend, catching up on what was missed. But most of all, I'm glad to have my friends back to where they were. I know it will not last, but at least I hope to make the most out of it. I've had it broken once, and I really hope not to have it shattered again.

Sometimes, when life gives you lemons, you dont have to make lemonade. By bartering, you will know the worth of lemons, exchange it for something of more value, sentimental or otherwise, and stay with it for the rest of your life. After a long life with lemons, to suddenly abandon it for something else will be disarming, traumatic at worst, but it can be rewarding as well.

Intimacy. Anything but that. It's hard to attain. Harder to maintain. It's like walking a tightrope, if you get to the other side, you will get immeasurable satisfaction. Enough to last a lifetime.

I'm looking forward to seeing you again.

There's never been a doubt about it.

2011-01-24T03:00:00.004+08:00

Hey there. I've got plenty to update about.

First up, I'd like to say I've learnt a lot during the current months. I used to think that life was a bed of roses, which I still think is, but now I'm beginning to feel the thorns.

One way or another, people say ignorance is bliss, but somehow I beg to differ. If it were in the past, I wouldn't mind being ignorant if anything. However, after a learning experience, I wished that I had known enough. At least it's not too late now.

What do you do when you take a fancy to something? Do you save up to buy it, desire it but dont do anything to get it or use any means possible to get it? I believe I will be the saver, but not everyone is the same. If you take too long to acquire the amount necessary, a go-getter will get ahead of you and procure it before you can. And you can kick yourself for all of forever.

I wish you knew more, and I wish you can be more discerning. Or maybe, it's just you. The stone is cast far away, and there seems no sign to find it anymore, not even a feeble effort. Perhaps it's all for the best, when the stone arrives at a new destination and find new life.

Somehow, I can't type everything on my mind out into this blog, because what I truly need is not a virtual space to holler my thoughts at, but a real person who is intent on listening to my tale. If I can do that for others, why cant anyone do that for me? Sometimes, what you do for others, is what you want others to do back for you.

I wonder what's keeping me alive now.

To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.

2010-11-27T01:51:00.003+08:00

That's the one of the best parts of life, second only to having a partner for life. My mind has been trying to put myself down quite a bit recently, which inevitably gets my mood down.

One of them is the fact that I'm always alone. I have got nothing against being so, in fact I prefer solitude, but sometimes, I stay alone too long, which gets me lonely.

But when I am yearning for the company of a friend, it feels as it I do not have anyone who can just sit down and just have each other's company for hours.

And that leads me to think that I have not been a good enough friend for anyone. It's not up to me to judge, and deep down, I would rather a friend step up and say,"Hey, you've been a great friend and I really appreciate you."

It is hard being an introvert, especially if you are a guy. I dont tend to be the one to take initiative, in striking up conversations, in contacting old friends, in offering help and in letting people into my life. I am not contemplating suicide, and I really hope that day will never come.

Another thing would be, something in my life that's well. I'm not complaining about the state of the life I am in, but it is really wretched now. My academic life is flailing in distress, my social life has not been alive for a very long time, my financial life is nothing to be proud of and my psychological life is on the decline.

My optimism has been high since I was young, always pushing me towards positives in times of adversity or rough patches. However, it is waning of recent. I dont feel as pumped or motivated, where in the past I would be.

In typing all these down, I am not expecting anyone to pity or sympathise with me. It is for me to pour out my feelings and seek release. I really want to feel happy again.

Even if you make the biggest sacrifices, it does not always mean that the other party will appreciate it and reciprocate. I dont think I am a sacrificial lamb, and I hope that at least someday, you can tell that I have done that much for you, and do the same for me.

You can only grow if you're willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.

Revelations makes me feel closer to myself.

2010-11-21T02:43:00.002+08:00

I like it when I discover and notice things about myself that I havent taken note of in the past. It shows that at least I'm conscious of myself and I can retrace any bad/undesirable trait easier.

I know for a fact that, I learn better if I put my feelings into it(I know it sounds obvious, but it's not as simple as it looks). For me, it has to be feelings, not mind, not will. But the irony is that, it makes me far too subjective, which distorts everything. I try, but it's hard for me to be objective and judge things as they are.

Another thing is, I hang on to things too tight, to the point that even if circumstances force me to let go, I will be adamant to hold on.It's only when I grudgingly let go, then do I see the vast pastures before me. Still, I rather hold onto something I've always been fond of.

I've got more but I think I'ma leave them for another day. Too tired to think on. Nights.

The sky's the limit.

2010-11-14T01:45:00.003+08:00

I've 2 issues to blog about. Perhaps 3, we'll see.

First up is limits. Ever since young, I've never had any limiting factor forced on me, which gave me lots of freedom, which for a fact is good for growth. Thing was, I abused it, which made me think up to this point, that there is no limits to anything.

No, I am not blaming my current character on my upbringing. I just hope to identify myself more by blogging this down. The first kind of limit I am talking about is, in example, no limits to what time I can sleep, no limits to what time I can stay out, no limits to how early or late I can eat my meals. There is no set guideline for me, which lets me do what I want.

However, I'm now suffering from the consequences of that. Those non-limits translated themselves into 'there is no limits to when I will do my homework', which led me on a landslide in my academic progress. Even now, I still cannot properly set a limit to when I will do my work, which affects my academic results greatly.

At least now that I know what's wrong, I will be able to rectify that part of me. I've also read of a method to banish procrastination, but I don't have the ability to type it down such that it's understandable. After all, I'm only good with words; singularly.

The second thing is, up till recently, I have not really looked at people properly, I just look at the person once, and that's it. Even though I notice a new scent, make-up, new clothes or shoes, I will not bother to comment on it unless probed.

At least now, I will bother to take a second look and 'appraise' what the person is wearing, and shower compliments when appropriate. And of course, if I don't look at people, why would I look at myself as well?

That holds true until recently as well. I am more conscious of myself already, not in the vain sense, but the awareness sense. Being a frequent web surfer, I always thought colours hold the main factor in whether clothes and shoes will be compatible.

I now know that, hey, even if the colours are not complementary or contrasting, they still can match. The main thing is the design. I just hope I catch up fast enough to have at least a decent knowledge of fashion.

The third thing I want to talk about is regrets. I've always thought that I will never regret anything I do. Sad to say, that's just an ideal which I hope I can live by, and it starts by learning to live.

So, I just wish to reminisce on my life and reflect upon what I've regretted. It will start from my birth up to this point in my life.

-I regret that I was born at the time and place that I was, though I could not have changed that. But it would have changed my life tremendously, and I dont mean about the future. Something at birth made me who I am now.

-I dont regret that I was born into my family now. I have all the freedom I can get, though not all the familial comfort in the world.

-I dont regret going to tuition. My very first tuition teacher was my very best, the one who is the base of who I am now.

-I dont regret going to WVPS, where I met the best of friends and had wonderful moments which marked my primary school years as the best part of my academic life yet.

-I regret not studying hard enough to make it into RV like the rest of my friends. I know I could have made it, but I wouldnt have deserved it if I did not even study.

-I did not, however, regret coming to CCKSS, where I met friends who I will not forget, particularly in my Sec 3, 4, and repeat of 4.

-I regret, very very much, not taking literature in Sec 3. I could have scored well in that.

-I also did not regret, not for any price, retaking Os. If not for that, I would not have met someone, who means a lot as a friend, and also who is different from the rest of my friends; Wan yi. Of course, there are other friends whom I made in that year, whom I feel are better than those I made in the last 4 years of secondary school life.

-I regretted going into Architecture. I thought I would like it at first, but interest slowly turned into dullness, which turned into torture. Though it really is not that bad, since it's more of I could not adapt to the project based curriculum.

-I regret not professing my love for everyone I care for, most of all my grandfather. So I hope, if I ever say 'I love you', 'I like you', don't shun me or think that I am just making a joke. It takes a great deal of courage to say, and if just because you think that we will stay like that forever, it's time to wake up.

I dont want to regret anything from now on.

2010-11-06T02:06:00.004+08:00

I used to think I have never regretted anything I did in the past. But truth is, I regretted. All the opportunities to say "I love you", the chances I had, the choices I made, the feelings I kept inside, the questions I never asked. I know it's impossible to make amends - nor was there a need to, for it was a learning point of my life.

Though I cannot change the past, I can use it to shape my future. I dont ever want to say to myself, "Damn, I should have done that." I dont ever want to lose anything that I could and still can salvage. I cannot change that I am an introvert, but I can still pick up the courage to do what I want. And I will. I want to make every single day of my life count.

I just hope you will treasure me as much as I do.

Lessons of lessons.

2010-10-28T23:14:00.006+08:00

I've learnt...

-That your happiness should not depend on someone else.
I've been like that in the past, but it's never wise to do so. I've ever really felt happy, almost euphoria, that even people around me could tell. I'd give just to stay like that always.

-That your needs precedes that of everyone's else.
It's not to the extent of being selfish, but more of that, if you cannot even make yourself happy, how do you expect to make others happy?

-That when in doubt, ask.
The knowledge you gain by losing a bit of 'face' is incomparable.

-That you should stand up for something/someone you care for.
If it is important to you, you will protect it. Dont wait until it is too late to salvage.

-To practise what you preach.
I've always advocated positive quotes and idioms, but admittedly, some of them are ideals which I hope to live by, while others are those that I already am living by. Either way, I'll be keeping them with me till coffin come.

-To always go for what you like.
Dont miss out the chance just to be with your friends. Everyone is pursuing their dreams,

-That you shouldnt condemn a person to the negatives just because you dont like the appearance.
I was slightly guilty of this, even though I try not to. I'm now free of it, and I'm happy to say, I do not judge people as much; I wasn't a good judge of character to begin with.

-If you make the effort to do something, you will succeed.
I've fallen short on this point, but I'm trying to make up for it. For now, I am putting in more effort than the previous semester in Architecture, but it is not enough to mark a proper improvement of my grades.

I really want to achieve, but putting words into actions takes much more then just blogging it down. At least I took a first step to aim for. All the best, and see you in the future, as a much better and someone with a future.

Hola.

2010-10-24T19:33:00.004+08:00

It's been long, and I doubt anyone is going to read this, but I still want to revive my blogging habits. It gives me a venue to pour out my thoughts, when there is no one else to.

A lot have happened since I last blogged, but in a nutshell, I've been okay, but not well. People have high expectations for life, but I am satisfied as long as I can be happy and carefree. I dont need to be a millionaire, nor be goddamn famous. However, society dictates that, if you do not have money, you will find it hard finding 'happiness'. I cannot change that, but I can still remain happy in spite of it.

I got a feeling I may be starting to come out of my teenage phase; or at least, I want to. I dont want to have so much emotions, nor try to please everyone but myself. I know for a fact that I am altruistic, but in this world, many will take advantage of that. Sometimes what I do to others, is what I want others to do to me. For one, listen. I've yet to find someone who can be a listening ear to me, and a confidant.

I've not have many friends, but I know for sure, that I'll be there for a real friend if the need arises. Just know that I'll always be there for you.

Hai gaise.

2010-09-06T06:29:00.000+08:00

Hi, this is your captain speaking. We are in the midst of Exam week, but no exams are spotted in the vicinity. Holidays sighted over the horizon. Job an imminent need. Precious allies with pebbles.

Enneagram type 9.

2010-08-18T02:54:00.001+08:00

How to Get Along with Me

• If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.

• I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.

• Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.

• Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and non-judgmentally.

• Ask me questions to help me get clear.

• Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.

• Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.

• I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.

• Let me know you like what I've done or said.

• Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

If I were a dog~

2010-08-16T21:14:00.001+08:00

If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
And MOST of all… When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by
and nuzzle them gently.

When you dont know where you are headed, just keep going.

2010-08-12T16:54:00.002+08:00

Time lost cannot be regained. I want to be able to look back on my life, and cherish all the moments I used to spend with the people around me; those life-defining moments.

My decision to make a choice came too late. I always had this interest in Psychology. The only thing that stopped me from getting into a Psychology course was my maths grade. Right now, to apply to retake my maths would be too late. I dont think I would want to stay in Architecture as well. In the first place, it was a forced interest. Until I realised, you cant force yourself to like something, even if you try to immerse yourself in it all day. I guess I would be switching courses or dropping out come this year end. I dont think I will be able to make it to a Psychology course though. All the best.

2010-08-08T01:40:00.004+08:00

Friends. Pretty much the people you talk to the most other than your family. But that's very general. What constitutes a friend? Someone you said 'Hi' to once? Or someone whom you seek favours from? Its definition is up for grabs.

To be honest, my inner circle of friends is empty. Barren, completely. And I like to keep it this way, thanks; at least until I can find a proper confidant.

Yeah sure, I may be offending many people out there, esp my friends, but the reality is that; I dont have many friends. I'm not proud of that fact to say the least, but I'm not uncomfortable to admit it. Solitude is very much fine by me.

It's hard to find a real friend when there are so many superficial people around. Of course, who would understand an introvert's world from an extrovert's POV? Being introspective doesnt mean you are a loner. Being open to decisions doesn't make you a girl. Not wishing to express yourself doesnt mean the lack of ability to. I do things I like, not things people think are right. So what if it's weird? So what if it's retarded to you? It doesn't matter as long as I like it. That's a very selfish POV, but let's face it, who in this world is not selfish? It has been proven that empathy, thinking of other people,only takes up 10% of what you are thinking. Guess what the rest of it is thinking of? Yourself of course.

And in this cruel world, it's every human for himself. That's reality. Though I would like to think that friends help you through thick and thin, it's ultimately up to yourself to accomplish everything you want to. No one is always going to be there for you. At some stage in life, people are going to leave your side. And you will be all alone, which is nothing wrong at all. Are you happy with the one you are alone with?

Blank mind and a broken soul.

2010-08-03T00:11:00.002+08:00

These past few days, I've been wanting to type out a post but I always stop short of typing anything; eventually closing the blogger tab.

I've got a thousand feelings right now, but to articulate them will be a mean task. My life is now a mess; like a million threads entwined in each other. It's never easy living a life like this, but it's even harder when you got no one you can confide in - not because they are not worthy of knowing, but because you cant get it out of yourself.

What more, my academic life is also screwed; with nothing to show for the 2nd project in a row. I know what I want, but I'm not working towards it. So the thing I can do now is to hope for the best, and wish for another second chance.

Everyone around me feels so different now. People who I thought I knew can change in the blink of an eye, and when you think it cant get any lower, life strikes you where it hurts. Normal is not something I am hoping for - no one is normal here. What I want is at least to know what is going on.

2010-07-29T03:01:00.003+08:00

School is slowly turning from a place for me to learn, into a place I dread to go everyday. For the record, I havent been turning up to school for more than a bloody week.

I keep saying, trying hard to convince myself, that I will do and finish my project. And it wasn't even that I didn't want to do it. I just can't seem to complete what I want to do.

Though I think I may have made a wrong choice in coming to Architecture, I hope to still be able to put in my best and see where it goes from there. One thing is for sure; I really want to get into Psychology.

You will not know your limits until you test them.

2010-07-26T09:33:00.003+08:00

Hai.
It's been long.

Been up to a couple of things recently. Watched Inception. I'm no movie critic, but I can safely say that the movie was worth the watch, and everything fell into place nicely, invoking the deep recesses of your mind.

The rabbit and the teddy bear belongs to a stone and pebble respectively. :D

My skating experience is akin to wanting to run before I can walk. I want to do parallel and acid, but I have yet to even master the t brake, or even skating properly. Nevertheless, I will reach that aim, sooner or later.

Pancakes! The first time making pancakes, with Wanyi, could be considered much of a success. The first one turned out damn hilarious; scrambled egg anyone? The second turned out better, but it was severely burnt on one side - still tasted good. From then on, it was more or less smooth sailing. Deliciousssssss.

I've got to say, I really appreciate the friends that I have now. It's not everyday you find a friend willing to talk to a stone wall everyday. For that, the best thing to do will be to reciprocate.

Losing a loved one is never easy. More so is losing one whom you never got to tell, "I love you." Dont hold up on saying it just because you feel that your pride is more important. When you lose your chance, nothing you do will ever regain it.

You.

2010-06-08T05:28:00.005+08:00

I've taken the first step on the path of redemption. All it takes now is for Primer 2 to start and I'm off. My hair is going to stay this colour in the near future, until I am no longer under the noses of the lecturers. For that to happen, I'll have to do well, but not exceedingly well.

I have to stop being so shallow.

I suddenly got a lot of things I want. But I dont think I'm going to get them all, or at least all at once. I want a frisbee first of all, and to make the frisbee team in SP.

Next up I want to take up kite flying; with a delta kite. I wanna go to Marina Barrage every week just to relax and fly kites. What a good life that will be.

Last of all I want and need a camera. I want to take pictures of everything and capture all the moments on pixels. And it's also partly because ...

... I want to go for the Bangkok and Malacca trip. But I know chances are slim for the Bangkok trip, because there can only be 10 from year 1, and they are judging by the portfolios, which effectively means I've got a chance slimmer than a DNA strand. I dont want to miss the chance, but a miracle and a Herculean effort will be needed to get in.

Not very long ago, I went back to CCKSS to get my SGC, and visited Mdm Prema in the meantime. She's still as awesome as she was, and I'll be going back for night studies, teaching english. I'm loving it.

I need a new phone, but I only want the Nexus One or the X10, which doesn't come cheap.

Requiescat in pace.

2010-06-01T23:54:00.003+08:00

Even though you don't say it, I know that I'm your most adored. Not that I did anything about it. We don't go out for outings, we don't talk much, we don't even sit together at the same dining table. But still, I love you. It's all too late to say these now, but at least, I didn't miss sending you off on your final journey, watching you fade away with your last breath. I forced myself not to shed even a tear; I did it, but I had to hold back a lot. I know you do not want us to cry over your departure, but it's part of accepting what is. I will always miss you.
Love,
Your grandson.

A lesson learnt the hard way.

2010-05-31T01:18:00.003+08:00

I just failed my first assignment; even before the critique session. I've got nothing to regret, it was my choice to slack, and procrastinate to the very last moment before I even decided to start work. I really hate this fucking trait of mine, and I really want to change it, but it's easier said than done. I can only take this as points lost in a lot of ways.

I guess I'm being branded as a slacker in class, which is not something I like to be known as. The only thing I can do is to buck up for the next project and not skip any more lessons. If I want to do it, I gotta do it well. I want to redeem myself.

Sometimes you gotta choose between what is right and what is easy

The right thing I did, too late it was.

Somehow...

2010-05-28T21:21:00.004+08:00

Yes, Primer 1 is finally coming to an end. Problem is, I have not started on my first, second, combined and blown up models yet. Not to mention my documentation as well. No worries there though, I got enough time on my hands to finish them all; 2 days. If worse comes to worst, I still have 2 nights. I'm going to produce something.

I've gotten myself into a dilemma - blue or black?

Get well soon.

2010-05-25T23:11:00.002+08:00

The 300th.

2010-05-22T02:43:00.003+08:00

It's not over yet - I hope. I'm stuck for my proj :/ But I want to put an end to it.

I realised I can do well for it, as long as I attend all my lessons (a hard task) and complete my projects (an even more insurmountable task).

And I'm going to take it to a whole new level. I'm going to set down some goals for my self, and by the end of my first year, I'm going to accomplish everything.

- Learn Autodesk Revit, basic and intermediate. (Although the lecturer said we will learn it in 2nd year, I'd rather not leave it till then. Though 3d is not my cup of tea, it will go a long way for my future.)

- Master Autodesk 3dsmax, as much as I can. (This is something I regret not learning properly in my secondary school years when I had the chance. I'm going to make up for that.)

-Perfect Adobe Photoshop. (This is easily the easiest and the part which I like the most. I've got almost everything I need, and all I need to do is to fill in the blanks during Photoshop tutorials in school.)

-Learn Illustrator, Flash and Dreamweaver. (This is seriously hard, but the usefulness of these programs cannot be ignored; proficiency in these will benefit for sure.)

-Finish reading the Oxford Dictionary. (I've ever browsed through it before, to improve my bank of words, but now I want to really peruse it. Walking dictionary for the win.)

-Make more than 25 friends in class (This, I'm on the fence, since I got no idea if I want to or not. And of course the other party as well.)

That's about as much as I can think of. I dont dare to put a target for my GPA, because I know unless I start on my project, it's about as high as someone with withdrawal symptoms.

Happy birthday, my (Y) friend.

2010-05-19T01:10:00.003+08:00

Boon tat's birthday today, and was it helluva fun. 17 of us made it for the celebration at Marche, and damn, it sure was good meeting up with the old friends. Like always, we were noisy and unruly. The food was good, and so was the bill; 665 effing buckz. The good old days - it has been a long time since I've had so much fun like that.

I killed the extrovert in me.

2010-05-15T09:10:00.004+08:00

Garri, Ivan, Dom and XX came over for a housewarming, and also for the former 2 to dye their hair purplish purple. More or less pass, but a tad too dark for my liking.

Aft that, I went to ton alone at XX's house, no thanks to the pangseh of the rest. Nothing fanciful there; no gay sacks nor bling blings. The conversation that we had was good tho.

I kinda realised that it's impractical to want to change course, especially when the journey is just starting. Let's just hope the situation does not remain as it is; which I'm actually okay with, just that obviously it can get better. And I should also remove the notion that I want to change course from my brain; which is seriously impeding my progress in trying to acclimatise into the class and course.

My project is screwed for now, but I'm going to dedicate the whole of tmr to do all the shit that I can, and hope I got something decent to present come monday.

After today's work, I realised making friends is as easy as opening your mouth, provided both parties aren't retarded. So I'll prolly open my mouth a bit more and maybe use my brain a bit more; it seems to be degenerating :S

An alarming revelation.

2010-05-11T23:36:00.002+08:00

There exists gulfs between people. It is normal to a point where it stretches too wide, or becomes so negligible it almost disappears. I feel the former with my classmates now, and I know it's goddamn hard to find just one from the former. I'm still hoping (Y). Because I think I've found a potential one; one whom I hope will click well. Intrapersonal ftw.

Help plz, need creativity which, despite all the inspiration I feed myself like daily, is lacking. Like seriously, I can do nothing freestyle if you dont set a mold. :S

Just because you look like a fucktard doesnt give you the prerogative to act like one.

2010-05-07T19:30:00.002+08:00

Yes you, I know I dont know you well, or even at all, but from your fucking attitude, I wouldn't deign to know you. I may be mistaken, but my opinion says you are retarded; and it's almost always right. And I'm entitled to it as well.

On a brighter note, the lecturers in my class aren't as inflexible as those in other courses. They take the effort to talk and understand us, which I'd say is something I like in this course.

I want to start on self-improvement; something I've been thinking about(for like eons). First up will be my vocab, which is totally half baked. Yes, I know a lot of words, but I know nuts about the full or exact definitions of half of them. It's kind of embarrassing when people ask you,"Hey, what does ______ mean?" "Oh, I'm not sure." That sucks.

I'm thinking if I should prepare myself for a change of course. I cannot say I'm unhappy at Architecture, it's just that I am stopping myself from being normal. The projects will be bitches too. Of course, I hope I will stay, but ultimately, only time will tell.

Everyone has secrets. Some we keep to protect ourselves, others to protect those we love.

Understanding has to be mutual.

2010-05-05T19:29:00.002+08:00

Solitude is impossible in my course, which sadly is something I rather have over having to team up with the ppl in my class. Not to say they are any worse or that I'm any superior; it's just that oil and water can't mix. Though it has only been a few weeks, the class is already segregated into several cliques.

I understand all that is said, but at the end of the day, if you dont understand where I'm coming from, you will not know why I do what I do. Everything happens for a reason.

I still cant find you. Not anywhere.

Is it really for me?

2010-05-03T19:22:00.002+08:00

Doubts finally surfaced, after all the reaffirmations I fed myself. I cannot force myself to do drawings and models - at least not for the distant future. I was thinking of changing courses today, to anything that doesnt require drawing. But the lecturer's words struck me; give Architecture a chance. 1 year it is.

I think too much, but that's much better than not thinking no? At least I arm myself mentally rather than to leap into the fray blind. I'll show you what is powerful. Watch me.

I got myself figured, but now I have to figure others out and to stretch out socially.

Viva la Sentosa!

2010-04-29T15:29:00.003+08:00

Wednesday was finally a day off for me, when I get to wake up late. Went to collect Novus tips, which amounted to $67 - a respectable amount for one and a half months.

And then Wanyi and I headed down to Vivo for the monorail to Sentosa. It's been a long time since I took the monorail (or for that matter, go to Sentosa as well).

Walked along Siloso beach, without slippers, until we found an idyllic spot to draw - more like doddle actually. Soft sand ftw.

Went to several places, no thanks to being scammed (even by the map), until we bought something and ate at Trapizza. Spent like hours trying to find a pool table, to the point that we can become tour guides the next time we go to Sentosa.
Spoiler: Bikini Bar is the only place where we could find a pool table.

Enjoyable, and looking forward to the next time; Universal Studios and Extreme Log Ride gogo!

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

Indescribable.

2010-04-23T01:06:00.003+08:00

That's how I will describe today, because i have no idea how to describe the feel of the myriad of activities today.

I managed to sneak into Wanyi's ONOW class, first lesson of that module. I was practically praying throughout the tutorial hoping that there will only be 19 ppl; so I can make up for the last one. But woe be with me when the teacher spotted 21; I thought I was about to be sexposed. But surprises of surprises, I wasnt. Hahaha pro infiltrator.

Saw Weiling and her purple(!?) hair was definitely damn nice.

Made a few new friends, courtesy of Wanyi.

Went to the arcade to mash my palm, and sat down for some chat.

Pass day. And I'm dreading next week.

He who knows not and knows not he knows not, He is a fool - Shun him.
He who knows not and knows he knows not, He is simple - Teach him.
He who knows and knows not he knows, he is asleep - Awaken him.
He who knows and knows that he knows, He is wise - Follow him.

Butter butter pad pad.

2010-04-21T16:18:00.004+08:00

Damn, it's the 2nd day of school, but it still doesn't feel like schooling to me. Tons of hands-on, and lots of tracing to do, which I have to get used to. I found a couple of faces to loathe as well, which gives some entertainment when things get a little boring.

There's going to be no homework this sem as well, woohoo.

It's gonna be a green day tmr. AND I'm off on fri. WHOOOOOOOOOO

Out of the very blue.

2010-04-15T23:23:00.004+08:00

Wow indeed. Today had been an extremely eventful and unexpected day. Totally awesome to boot too.

So let's start off with waking up at 6 in the morning and not knowing where to go for flag day. So I went to sch alone, and didnt manage to find out where was I supposed to go. Then, I was loitering around the mrt, contemplating to return them the tin on the spot and just go home, or to rot my friggin 7 hours in SP.

However, by an unexpected twist of fate, a very friendly and helpful MRT staff advised me to go Novena, where it would be good to go for flag day, down to the exact spot to stand. I didnt know what made me want to go, but it was prolly of my fuck-care attitude.

So I ventured all alone to Novena, hoping to see no one from SP there. Woe and behold, there was a course there, DICT, but luckily there werent that many ppl.

And thus my spot finding started off at about 9am. Explored around in vain a bit, until I managed to settle down in a very strategic location; between the 2 shopping centres. Alas, nothing lasts forever; the security guard chased me away, forcing me to find another spot - not an easy task considering the number of ppl I had to compete with.

I did manage to find a spot in the end, but I wasn't reaping as much as the previous area. And there is this other guy, who is damn charismatic, or prolly outgoing, who doesn't shy away from approaching people. The people were damn nice and kind hearted; particularly a frail old man, who asked me to take good care and another girl who told me to have fun, amongst several others. Really, the old man's words touched me - the concern was genuine. The girl flashed me a cheeky grin when she left.

Fast forward to counting of the amount I had, I would say I did really well for what I am; a not really outgoing person. I managed $101, with all the stickers given, with a little help from the DICT students. That clinched me the 2nd highest in class, and it made me pretty darn proud of myself.

Right after, there was a welcome party for the freshmen. We went early and did not have to queue long, by courtesy of cutting queue thanks to Sarah. However, the starting performances were mediocre at best, belting out songs which are either self composed or very obscure.

The awesome-ness started right after 7, where they started to play songs more known, and when things began to get more interesting. So it was practically 2 hours of dancing, and thanks to that, my ears are now in rehabilitation due to the fucking loud music. I went out of my comfort zone, albeit only by a little, which is something I dont easily achieve.

So today can be counted as a superb day, prolly cause of this quote I came across; Seek happiness from yourself, not from others.

Another day in sp.

2010-04-14T00:53:00.005+08:00

Hai, it was orientation today, and it just felt like normal for me, except for the fact that I made 2 friends by initiating to sit beside. It wasn't too good when I went into the course briefing late, due to the fact that some guy misleaded me. So blah blah blah, super mundane. I just hope I can find someone in my class who will truly study.

Tomorrow will be better, I hope. I know I'll be okay tmr, but I just dont like this feeling. It's always out, but no one wants in. The future, the past and the present are linked, but somehow, they dont gel well when you put all of them into a mixture. Opposites attract?

I'm tired; in aspects other than physical.

Every listening ear have another to fall back on.

2010-04-12T23:12:00.005+08:00

Went to sp for orientation(not mine). So while the person in question, Wanyi, was in the orientation thingy, I went to the library for the very first time in ages. It's been really long since I last read a book. Unfortunately, I couldnt find any books related to Architecture, so I sought to look for my next favourite topic; Personality. My eyes fell on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, but it turned out to be nothing but a manual. I did, however, managed to find a book, "What is your colour?", which describes your personality as a colour and hell was it accurate. It wasn't those kind of generic statements where you nod your head in agreement like a zombie.

I prolly spent like 5 hours in the library, which was sufficient for me to finish "The Pilgrimage" by Paulo Coelho(the author was the only reason why I read that book), a "Sun Bin's Art of War"(comic) and the "What is your colour?" personality book. Oh, and not to forget some naps in between.

It's great to reconnect with friends of old, even though its only been a few months. It's like everyone is so distant, with barely a single thread of friendship holding us together. Build on that, and you'll have a friendship of epicity.

Now for some coded rants, you can just skip this part. I just want to find another green who can understand. All I see around are just reds, yellows, and oranges. You can give me an in or out green, but I'll take it all the same. It's really hard being with the others. It's not that I dont try, but its more of I cant see where I'm going with the chance. So either a green or hopefully an orange convert.

Starting from the bottom.

2010-04-11T00:13:00.003+08:00

My sister asked me why my english is so good. It made me think, if I would have ended up like I am now if I was not under the tutelage of all my english teachers; particularly the tutor I had in primary school and my secondary 4 english teacher Mdm Prema. For all the effort I put in, reading the dictionary, books, newspapers, transcripts, doing worksheets on spellings, comprehension cloze, sentence synthesis, grammar (I rmbed this Michelle), I wouldnt have been as proficient as I am now. Build on a strong foundation and reinforce it as you go higher. MMT.

Opportunist?

2010-04-10T02:48:00.002+08:00

Hai, I was supposed to head for camp 3 days ago, but I was too tired so I decided to skip it, and the nightwalk that is upcoming as well.

It doesn't nearly always turns out the way it's expected to.

2010-03-31T17:34:00.003+08:00

Hai. It's been shopping and pool for the past 2 days. I'm happy.

Architecture. A very big word, nice sounding and sophisticated. Honestly, up till this point in time, I only have a vague idea what I am getting myself into in the near future.

Having to study for a 5-year degree is no joke, but I will, I hope, get through it, and be registered as an Architect in Singapore, a title which is protected.

I'll do whatever it takes. I'm alr starting my own studies now.

I dont understand. Inaction leads to nothing. And use your heart when dealing with people.

We are the world we make it out to be.

2010-03-30T00:46:00.003+08:00

Watch that. It's not even vocally amazing or aesthetically appealing, yet it doesn't fail to capture my heart. It's the effort they make to sing that song. It's the feelings they put into the song. It's the way they try to sing despite their lack of proficiency in a language not primarily their own.

If it were you, would you dare? Would you dare stand on that stage in front of several others, knowing very well you dont sing well, but you still would give it a shot? Would you continue singing despite the wrong verse you sang for your first line? Would you make the effort to put on all the make up, even if it's hideous or otherwise?

For all of their effort, I dont see why they should be jeered at or insulted at their lack of vocal talents. Whoever says that all good singers must have a good voice?

Why? Friends are people who accept you for who you are. (Y)

2010-03-28T06:57:00.002+08:00

My body clock is screwed once again. Been sleeping at 12pm and waking at 11pm for 3 days straight.

Reminiscence.

2010-03-24T00:49:00.005+08:00

Warning! Several blocks of text detected below. Proceed with caution.

All the good ol' times. Some of the memories seem as fresh as yesterday, others as vintage as decades ago, invoking this sense of nostalgia. Sure feels good thinking back about them.

I remember...

When I was in Kindergarten year 1, we were competing to see who could eat more ants off the floor, and dared each other to eat paper.
People of note: David or smth, for we always quarrel. Meiyee or smth, someone who was my playmate in the childcare centre, whose face and home I still rmb.

When I was in Kindergarten year 2, watching Teletubbies every evening, stuck in the childcare centre everyday, the only reprieve was during the weekends, where I get to go home at noon.
People of note: Khairul; my neighbour whom I learnt how to cycle from. We lived just next to each other, becoming some good friends of sort.

When I was in Primary 1(1/7), where West View Pri Sch(WVPS) was situated next to Teck Whye Sec Sch. I could remember having PE in the horribly managed field, where the grass reached our knee caps. One especially fond memory was that I wet my pants in class because the teacher didnt allow me to go to the toilet. Dont laugh, at least I didnt get detected.
People of note: I can still rmb Qian Hui as one of the ones who were in the best class for 6 years as well, and shes damn smart.

When I was in Primary 2(2/7), where WVPS moved to Senja, I cant pick up a distinct memory from this year, so I'll let it pass in that I got a male form teacher.
People of note: No particular recollection.

When I was in Primary 3(3/8), I got another male teacher as my form teacher. No vivid recollection from here as well.
People of note: None here either.

When I was in Primary 4(4/8), I had a horror tigress for a form teacher. I didnt know how I passed it but I sure did. I was practically sitting by the front door learning from her and doing work. I remember it as the year I got to know Sean as well, one of my good friends.
P.s I didnt know how I scored well enough to get into the best class again the following year. :P
People of note: Mdm Ow, my infamous form teacher, I will never forget you. Sean Sim, my best of friends.

When I was in Primary 5(5H), the time I spent was the best of my time in Primary school; along with Primary 6. If I didnt remember wrongly, this was the year which Mr P. Mohan came and taught my class PE. Under his superb tutelage, our class, or at least most of the guys, loved PE and sports alot. The first place we head for when the bell rings for recess would be straight for the field; nowhere else. Every single day. There would be a inter-class frisbee competition every friday as well. Our class had the most talents, or pros, but it wasnt always that our class emerge tops. They were very fun times though. Once, in a knockout game, I tossed the frisbee randomly and it landed gently on a running girl's head, eliminating her. We lost in the end though. The bunch of us were immersed in cards then, starting off from Pokemon, then to Yugioh, and then to WWE and then to Magic The Gathering. And of course, I had the best form teacher anyone could have. I remembered a sandwich making session during Sci class. Kudos to you Miss Lee Lee Cheng aka Mrs Low(Lo?) now.
People of note: I'll merge this with Primary 6 since it's about the same class and it's easier to compile all the activities.

When I was in Primary 6(6H), I remembered having lots of fun with everyone, running about in the courtyard, playing catching and running around in circles. There were also days where we played with water from our water bottles, and everyone get very drenched. I didnt study shit for my PSLE and my results were indeed what I sowed; 227. It felt really bad when half the class got into Special stream and I was stuck with the Express. 11 of my class got into RV, and the rest all scattered into other schools, and with that I gradually lost contact with some.
P.s And that score came after 6 years in the best class. What a disgrace.
People of note: First up on the list will be Miss lee, the superb-est form teacher. And then there are the people whom I played cards with; Jeryl, Sean, Ann Soon, Adam, Yuming, Yu Xuan, Leon, Chong Wee and a few others (pardon me if I missed out names). A special edition for those who did not do homework with me; Chew Ann Soon, my companion in being scolded day after day. Best (Y) Oh yes, I remember Jenny and Michelle. The former always having leg cramps and the latter who is a register number after me and one of the few being in the EM2 band of Chinese.

When I was in Secondary 1(1/4),I was totally complaining from the first step into CCKSS. The hall was damn small compared to WVPS; the whole place was run-down. Bit by bit, I accepted it and continued doing what I left off in Pri school; slacking. This year also marked a sharp turn of performance for my maths, from an A* in Pri sch to B (and gradually failing).
People of note: I remember doing a Project with Jessica Chai and Zhuo na. The people whom I played cards with as well; Tan Wei Lun, Tan Chuan Yong, Ong Cheng Cong. The 3 were the ones whom I ran with for Sports day as well, clinching a Gold in the 4x100m.

When I was in Secondary 2(2/4), I had a memorable camp which I enjoyed for the first time. A memory which pops up is a literature assignment which I got full marks(25/25) for just because 3/4 of the essay was written in extra sophisticated words. God knows why I didnt opt to take literature for O levels.
People of note: The people previously mentioned and a honorable mention for Garrison Goh, who up to now is still an awesome friend.

When I was in Secondary 3(3/4), I met new friends who totally transformed my life. Credits to Jonathan Cheng Zhi Hun and Jason Lim. From the time I knew them, the word 'lessons' changed in definition; from listening in class to chatting outside class. We frequently skipped classes and hanged around the corridors, fearing only Mr Melvin Kong then. I remembered once when 13 of us skipped Physics, and only the people from 3/3 got rounded up.
People of note: Jason Lim, Jonathan Cheng, for all the good and fun times we had in and out of school. Whoever said fun could be quantified? This was the year I got to know Kenny Chow as well, being good friends and having occasional quarrels here and there. Celine Tan, Ng Wei Ling, Pang Tun Li, Tan Hui Ying from the class, epic clique. Ahh yes, Aisha, someone whose words can make you laugh like there is no tmr.

When I was in Secondary 4(4/4), fun was an understatement of what we were enjoying. We had several escapades but it wouldnt be convenient to mention them here. Night studies was more of night enjoyment, and it was superb, since the Art Room was open for slacking everyday. Everyone was preparing themselves for O lvls, all but me, but I wouldnt say I regret having fun with my companions instead of studying. I could have manged my time better but I wouldnt exchange the enjoyable times to get a better score. Afterall, every step is a learning experience. Expectedly, but it was quite surprising to me, I did not get past Os. One year it is.
People of note: The same as the last, with just some additions; my F&N coursework group, and the Art coursework group.

When I was in Secondary 4 year 2(4/3), I was dead serious on studying real hard. Until I stepped into the class on my first day. Poof! Replace mugging with slacking. Of course, I studied, but not to the effect I desired. I made several new friends, who, some up to now, still are my friends. Night studies this time were more academic, doing more memorising than running around. There were good and bad times, but overall, it was more positive than negative. Though, I still cannot be sure if I made the right choice to get into Architecture.
People of note: Valenlyn Chua as the first friend I made, with the many crazy stuff she did; morning studies, night studies and overnight studies. Chia Wan Yi as one good friend who has the tendency to say things that make people burst out in laughter. Grace Koh, the epic ponster who doesnt give a shit. Hema, a night study and Maple companion. Terry, an extremely hyper friend. Nadya, Mac study companion who m.m.s. Then there is this XX. Epic pass friend. I can just name out everyone in class and write a memory related but I'm afraid my brain will burst before I can finish. So therefore, I'ma just pen down the names; Mdm Prema, Miss Chow, Eugene Ong Shao Yang, Zhu Ling Jie and the list goes on. I'll put names in for as long as I can rmb.

Pardon if I miss out any names because I cant possibly pour out all the details in just one post. Rest assured my memories contain everything.

I had my first real work experience in January, 20th to be exact, and straight away was embroiled deeply into the politics. The work was damn fun though, wasn't tiring in the least, and I reaped much experience. Not to mention the great moments spent.

And it's this time of the year again.

2010-03-22T03:09:00.004+08:00

Hai it's 22nd March.

I dreamt of participating in a war at Yishun. Like wow shotgun. The mrt station was L shaped. Pass dream.

Erza

2010-03-18T02:37:00.002+08:00

That's the embodiment.

I really could care less, and it makes it wonder.

Living now is a chore.

Poke?

2010-03-17T00:58:00.002+08:00

The clever is favoured.

2010-03-15T23:10:00.002+08:00

K pass, I'm still in, just that I have to make 1 more trip down to my prospective school. I was thinking that the design block was near to the gate prior to my visit to SP today, but hell was I mistaken. At least it's not the other end of the sch. Mental note to self; the carbonara at Food court 4 is not carbonara.

Why should 1 small blip harm the whole ship? It just doesn't make sense does it? But sometimes the blip manifests (ccb I keep typing magnifest) itself to a point beyond tolerance. 忍一时风平浪静，退一步海扩天空。(I typed that myself!)

Oh my.

2010-03-14T21:50:00.003+08:00

Count your blessings if you see me in SP because I have yet to submit everything but the medical check-up. (Y)

In and out in a flash.

2010-03-09T18:08:00.006+08:00

I'm out of Novus, after a one and a half month stint. It feels good, in that I dont have to work anymore; having to wake up early everyday and doing the opening and closing of the cafe. It feels kind of sad too, as I'll have to say I've learnt several things from there, and also spending time with the people there.

Now that I'm back to rotting at home again, it feels very empty with nothing to do. I'd prefer a busy life once again, but I'm lazy to find a job again.

2010-02-27T00:41:00.001+08:00

Earthly - the mood between hellish and heavenly.

2010-02-24T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling that. I'm feeling happy about my work, but sad about how things are working around it. To cut a long story short, I love what I'm doing but dislike what others are doing.

Anyway, my stint at Novus will be coming to an end soon, in prolly 5 days or so. After which, my pay will go poof within a 1 day shopping spree for sure.

I feel kind of blessed, in that my initial job scope was only to be a server, but I get to experience making food and drinks behind the sandwich bar, serving customers, doing functions which are chances not easy to come by. I'm still missing out on being behind a real bar, and doing fine dining, but I'm satisfied enough. What I really felt I missed out is that I could have applied to become a pastry chef in the same company. That would have been way more fun.

It feels weird to be thinking this way, but I know, one day, that it will have the chance to happen. I believe.

Best of the best.

2010-02-15T03:00:00.001+08:00

Harpy

2010-02-10T00:15:00.002+08:00

A diamond in the making.

2010-02-07T01:52:00.002+08:00

Work is not always easy. It also does not have to pack a paycheck of or beyond your expectations. For me, the main thing is to learn. Without doubt, that I did - very much so.

Before I've entered the working society, I've always thought that I know a lot already, which I still do not deny, but what entering the working society has taught me is that, with every Mount Fuji, there is a Mount Everest. Working in Novus Cafe has been an eye-opener for me.

Never before in my life, have I seen someone so influential, that he commands, not demands, total respect from almost everyone - me included. The above mentioned is one of the managers in my working place, and there has been immense changes ever since his arrival less than a week ago. He doesnt get respect through fear, coercion, or by sucking up. And that's damn impressive.

I've bought a lot of weird stuff after I received my partial pay. Amongst the many, I've got a new bike. Guess what, I didnt buy it on my off day, but right after work. It all just happened, Wanyi and I just decided to ride home from Dhoby Ghaut to Yew Tee. Of course, you cant just ride blindly and expect to land right smack at your destination. We got ourselves 2 maps, and almost got a compass, if not for the fact that it was grotesquely ugly. Try to imagine 2 people in white formal tops and black formal pants pushing bicycles out of Carrefour. We were practically laughing our asses until we were out of Plaza Sing.

The ride made for a refreshing and a relaxing one, but it took us almost 3 hours, 10.30pm to 1.20am, to reach Yew Tee, which was quite a feat considering it was our first time and that the maps were of minimal use. It really felt like a once in a lifetime experience for me.

And it's still out of my reach.
We were just kids in love.
It's still all of the things that I want in my life.

2010-02-02T23:25:00.004+08:00

1st Jan 10
The start of the double digit.

It's the start of the new year and I'm stuck at home moving things over to my new one, instead of celebrating with my friends. I'm not holding any grudge, though my day could have been better spent.

The new place is alright, just that it's kind of far away from the MRT, and it will be a pain in the ass to walk to the MRT everyday to go to school next time. At least I can find my favourite Ice Kachang a stone's throw away, which is damn convenient.

7 Jan 10
Days in vain.

I'm spending my days in waste, since I'm doing nothing productive or useful. I'm basically rotting my freaking days away, till I get my results and my internet connection back. Amazingly, I didnt think I could survive two weeks without the Internet, but I did. That's kind of an accomplishment, albeit coupled with a loss; loss of knowledge.

11 Jan 10
Results Day - The Official.

English A1
Combined Humanities B3
Elementary Maths D7
Science (Phy/Chem) A2
Food and Nutrition F9
Computer Studies B3
Chinese D7
Chinese (Oral/Aural) Merit

When I first received my results, I was pretty happy that I've finally achieved an A, particularly an A1, for my English. However, upon further scrutinisation, I found that the rest of my results weren't as satisfactory as I would have wanted. Really, I'm totally dumbfounded on how my maths could fail yet again, despite putting a shitass load of effort in it. I could also not comprehend how I did not get a distinction for my Computer Studies, which I banked on heavily.

Of course, after further mulling, I'm more relieved than happy with my results. The sad part was that I could not go to the course which I've been wanting to go to. My maths seriously screwed me 10 times over. It's over, and I can finally put proof to my claims that my English is good, which of course, would not have been possible if I were not under the amazing tutelage of Mdm Prema.

This phase of my life is over, and it's time to kickstart the next one.

12 Jan 10
T'su Tey - The only name I can remember other than Jake Sully.

3 months after its release, I finally caught Avatar. It was freaking awesome, really. The action was really wow, and it was more than just blue monsters.

Pool was damn shitty. I played like $#^%&^%@. At least there was good music.

Dinner was great with Ice Kachang.

15 Jan 10
A birthday worth its weight in gold

You do not need a lot of people to celebrate a birthday. On the contrary, I'd prefer a quiet one. I've had one today, and it certainly was superb. For that, I have to give a Big 'Thank you' to Wan Yi, whom I spent the evening with. I like every single word on that card; it is an awesome one with or without a present. I'm lucky the present is not hot pink too.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes on that day, whether or not you wished me.

For all the presents in the world, I'd like something that is truly heart-felt.

20 Jan 10
Back to basics
Today was my first day of work at a cafe. Not any cafe, but a rather classy one. I was put behind the bar, which was real hard, having to remember the recipes and the steps to making drinks; the first step of being a trainee. Bungling a few times here and there, but the people there were rather patient, which makes it less stressful to learn. It's helluva fun making stuff. Opening and closing is tedious though. Tmr starts days two, which I'm looking forward to. I sense that I will change, after I finish my stint at this job. Not all work has to be work.

27 Jan 10
Architectural beauty
The results are out, and I'm posted to architecture, as expected. I'm still blur about the prospects and the skills required. I know that it involves a lot of drawing though. Ima make the best of the 3 years there. Wish me luck.

It's been a week since I've starting working at Novus Cafe. Overall, a very good and meaningful job experience hitherto. I love my job behind the sandwich bar, preparing all the drinks, and as of today, sandwiches as well. There is this great sense of achievement, since it is not easy to remember everything I have to do, and it is not like following instructions will save you your skin for the day.

Feel free to come visit. I'm working there until early April.

I kept an offline blog while my internet was down.

I've done quite a bit while my internet was down for one whole month. It's not easy passing the days at first, but a job made it much easier, though more tiring.

Time really changes things. A vehement "No" in the past would have meant a "Maybe yes" to a question. I would hate to fall for it just like that though, cause I know it is but one-sided. I just hope that time will tell if you change.

I've gotten my first pay - albeit a partial one. $461 is not too shabby for 10 days of work; effing hard work. My effort is worth every cent, and the experience and skills I've picked up are invaluable.

Transcending logic.

2009-12-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

Ah Singapore Idol. Caught a few snips here and there of the past few episodes. The finale was definitely great, the winner was not really of my liking. To hell with that, it's not even judged by the judges. The comments were pretty much one-sided, and I would have bet my life on the winner if it were determined by the judges. Too bad, luck bad.

Walking in the night is cooling. Not if the walk pans out over 3 hours though. It was fun, but it was more of refreshing. I guess I'll be walking more.

Rihanna, Push Play, Say Anything, One Republic, Jay Sean (Y).
BEP, Kanye West, Lady Gaga (N)

Revelation.

2009-12-22T02:58:00.003+08:00

Hai gaise. It's been awhile. Anyway, I'm glad to say my hotkeys are working again, together with my mouse wheel, with changes to my hardware. When you gain something, you lose another. Can't play games properly with the stupid keyboard now. Kinda like the feeling of the keys though.

Sifting through memories of the recent past makes it nostalgic. I want to camp over at mac again and study. It was one of the days of my life that I really sat down and study. My heart is telling me, "Hey, let's go do it again." Sure I would like to, but I got nuts to study now. And the aftereffect is sure nothing to feel good about.

If only time could pass faster. K brb sleep.

Longshot.

2009-12-19T02:59:00.002+08:00

Hai.

2012 was quite a provocative show. Some parts were quite surreal, and it makes for quite a believable scenario that may happen in future, though I doubt it.

Kind of makes me think, if people in times of crisis will stop and help others in the same predicament. I would, if the circumstances permit. I've yet to come across a person who will put down everything for someone in need; be it a friend or stranger. I'd really like to befriend such a person.

My comp is fucking up now. It doesnt allow me to ctrl + shift + t (which reopens a recently closed tab), ctrl + tab (which allows switching of tabs) and scrolling my mouse (hardware problem). Can't live without those functions.

The ball is not in my court.

Results Day - The prelude.

2009-12-16T16:40:00.003+08:00

That's the thing I'm waiting most for, to the point that I've all about drafted out what I want to blog about in my mind. Really, the sweetest revenge is to prove them wrong. Say hello.

I have a lot of time on my hands. Not so much of activities tho. Same goes for entertainment; kinda died down not long ago. Job job job.

Doing things twice doesn't mean you will do it better. You are such a perfect example which exemplifies that. Good luck to you. I hope you have somewhere to go. Of course, I'll hope to see you in ten years time, where you're prolly more matured.

Indivisualist or no friends? Popular or suck-up? Or how about perfectionist or too nit-picky? Sensitive or petty? Confident or haughty? Mature or delusional? Go for it.

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different in the things we do.

Respect if you may, please.

It seems like eternity.

2009-12-12T22:55:00.003+08:00

1 month down, 4 more months to go. This holiday is proving to be quite a long one.

A mirror shattered can no longer be mended.

Roller-coaster rides exemplifies several things; life, relationships and emotions. Ups and downs, and thrilling too.

I can't wait to see what's in store in the future. I'm sure, very sure in fact, that the future will prove me right. Just wait and see. Dont say I didnt tell you so.

I need to find a job. I'm guessing after I'm done slacking, I'll prolly head to Coffeebean and ask for a job. I love jobs with long hours.

A little bit of brain gets you far.

2009-12-06T02:02:00.004+08:00

Once in a while, good entertainment comes free. I bore witness to a few such incidents.
P.s. I learnt the difference between incidences, incidents and instances.

I remember writing about writing about the people of this year in one of my previous posts. I'l probably write a summary about it now.

Let's start from the start of the year. I could say I received a lukewarm welcome to the class of 4/3. I remembered that it was the 5th of feb and my hair was damn long. Not that I gave a damn, but that the teachers sure made a hell load of noise over it.

At that time, I was very motivated to do well, and get Os over and done with quick.

Initially, I only knew Ling Jie (cca), a little of Tony (cca) and Joshua (Ivan's cousin) in the class.

Of course, I got to know more people, which was basically the whole class, gradually.

I'd say frankly that I loathed Wen Xuan , and the rest of Robotics, at first, because of an incident which happened during CCA Orientation last year. The Robotics hogged the space outside our lab and in words cut short, they were being fags. But of course, the hatred is no longer present, since it probably was a one-off.

The class was very 'high', like my ex-class of 4/4. The forsaken class, where bonds grow stronger. Having been 2 years in 'the last class in the eyes of the teachers', I realised that the people are more unrestricted and free. Results are but numbers. What matters is that the time you pass, you enjoy.

As the days and weeks passed, I became more and more slackened, and more or less blended in with some people in and outside of 4/3. There were many eye-catching individuals, which I'd refrain from naming. I'd say however, the maturity level pales in comparison to that of last year.

This time, I still did not feel much pressure nor stress. I did however developed a drive to do well, really well, this time. And for the first time in my life, I mugged. Amongst all my subjects, the few I really wanted to do well in were, in descending priority, English, Chemistry and Computer studies. Those were the subjects that I had total faith to do well in.

Let's put the subjects I take into perspective.

English:
I was one of the few who were targeted to get an A, which I myself was going for too. However, I had to say, English was one subject which I was very worried for, because, knowing a whole bank of vocabulary does not guarantee you an A in it. I became more worried than last year, as I didnt even manage a 21/30 for my composition under Mdm Prema, which I managed last year a couple of times. My scores were hovering around 18, 19 and 20. There was even once during prelims, where I got a 14/30 for writing explicit violence, which I still am indignant about up to this moment. Thus, I'm most worried for English come Results day.

E. Maths:
This was one subject which I totally flunked last year. It was one of the most important subject, but I just tossed it aside, thinking that I can get into Advertising and Public Relations without maths (Advertising and Public Relations does not require maths). Thus, I got back an E8 last year. This year, however, I will say, it will be the deciding factor on whether I can get into Human Resource Management + Psychology. Bless me.

Comb. Sci (Phy + Chem):
This is one subject which exemplifies my character; good at one thing and bad at another. My chem is pretty much stable, with my results staying around the range of 70%.

On the other side of the ocean, my physics never fails to get me below 30%. Together, both of them get me 50%, without fail, thereabout. I got 50.5% during Prelims. For Os, I'm daringly going for an A1, straight. This is one of the most anticipated results I'll be waiting for, for sure.

Comb. Humanities (SS + Geog):
I never liked geog, esp with Mdm Ruhaiza at the teaching post last year. This year, I thought that Mr Tan would make a better teacher. I wasn't very much off target with that, but I'd say, I learnt a bit more than I would under Mdm Ruhaiza. It's one of the subjects which requires great amount of brain storage. It is also one which you HAVE to study - it's not even a choice.

For SS, it's a mixed bag of beans. I always thought I was good at it. Sure, sometimes the results flatter me, getting 17/25 without studying, but there were also times where the results were totally unjustified; 9/25. Thus, I'm not sure if I will do well for it.

For this, I can only hope for the best and pray that I score.

Computer Studies:
A subject which I'm confident in despite always not scoring well for it. For prelims, I only managed a 55/100 for the paper. But an improvement of this year over the last was that I passed my coursework this year. This will at least make it more possible for an A in this. I am quite confident that I did quite well for the paper during Os, but I'm still not sure about that of coursework. As above, I can only hope.

Food & Nutrition:
This is a subject which I regret not dropping upon given the option to. When I rejoined the school, Miss Sim asked if I would like to drop this subject and concentrate on the rest. I said no, cause I felt that I could get an A in it. Now, if I can even reach a B, it will be a miracle. This subject also consist of a coursework, which fucked the hell out of me together with Computer Studies at the start of the year. At least, I can say that I have some food and nutrition knowledge with this.

Chinese:
This is the subject I'm most disinterested in. It's not even about the teacher, but about the characters. I hate having to remember so many strokes, and different meanings for each word. Also, it's partially because that I couldnt find a practical use for it in the future. My parents say that it would be useful if I work in China next time. Sure as hell I'd work there. Try dragging me inside and I'll learn. I'd rather get a more useful language like English. For this, it's a D7 for sure, confirmed and guaranteed.

The classes of years '08 and '09 cannot be compared; each have their good moments. If I were to choose which I'd prefer better, I'd say '09, because it was the year which I matured the most, where I put down my foot on the ground, and stood my ground.

The greatest revenge is to accomplish what others say you cannot do.

Teenagers nowadays.

2009-12-04T21:52:00.002+08:00

Sigh. It's kind of hard to find people who can hold their fort in arguments. Many just turn the argument into an ad hominem one, which makes the person look fucking retarded. It's not even that it's hard to argue properly, it just requires some logic and common sense, which unfortunately does not exist in some people.

And there are others who turn arguments into quarrels, where they just insult each other. That sounds kind of fun eh. Hey, lets flame each other's families, shall we? Frigging shit, that doesnt even qualify as using your brain.

In an argument, the point is not to win, it's to get your point across, and probably, agree that you disagree. Haven't seen that happening in a long time. It's just, Argument > Quarrel > Fail conclusion.

My body clock is screwed now; I'm like sleeping at 5am and waking at 3 in the afternoon. For yesterday, I slept at 4am and woke up at 5pm. Now I feel like it's only 7pm. Fucking shit.

Fall

2009-12-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

You've been talkin' in your sleep
Tellin' me all kinds of things
Words you should never repeat
Keep callin'

Flyin' right out of the door,
To the point where I gotta hear more
I wanna settle the score,
I'm fallin'

When you touch me
Everything feels like it's alright,
Now I know to feel otherwise.
And if you want me,
You're gonna have to make a change,
Before you're tangled up in your lies.

Well I hope I catch you before I fall
You tell me it's alright
Don't play
Oh, your eyes are tellin' me lies.

You should go go,
But I know know,
That you won't won't

Well, I can't take much more of this
I can't believe all the signs that I missed,
And all my friends would insist you were cheatin'

It's been goin' on for awhile
And the whole time I'm in denial,
Convinced it wasn't your style
to be creepin' around

Livin lies sayin that you're with your girlfriends,
Now I know you're with other guys.
And if you want me,
Well I'm afraid that you're too late,
'Cause now you're tangled up in your lies.

Well I hope I catch you before I fall
You tell me it's alright,
Don't play
Oh, your eyes are tellin' me lies
I hope I catch you before I fall
You tell me it's alright.
Don't play,
Oh, your eyes are tellin' me lies

Ohhhhhh! (Don't tell me lies)
Whoaaaa!

You should go go,
But I know know,
That you won't won't

I hope I catch you before I fall
You tell me it's alright
Don't play (don't play)
Oh, your eyes are tellin' me lies.

I hope I catch you before I fall
You tell me it's alright
Don't play
Oh, your eyes are tellin' me lies.

You should go go,
But I know know,
That you won't won't.

Cross your heart and I'll cross mine.

2009-12-01T18:47:00.005+08:00

It's December.

Found a job? Naw.
Found something to do? Naw.
Anything else? Naw.

A jack of all trades but a master of none. Very apt description. Granted some skills do stand out, but it is not enough if it's not one of the best; if not the best. Unique, but a weird bag of beans. Unfathomable, yet predictable.

Headless Chicken.

2009-11-27T14:32:00.002+08:00

Run baby run. Run like you dont know where you're headed. Bonus points for banging the wall.

A lot of things to do, but dont know where to start. This freedom is not unfamiliar to me, but the activities sure are. I didnt have this problem last year, where everything just fell into place, passing me seamlessly into Results day.

I'm liking this free leash of life, but something tells me I need to find a job. It's not even a want, but that I need to - for some reason. It prolly helps to pass time too.

Its all in the previous posts.

Maybe, just maybe...

2009-11-24T23:01:00.002+08:00

I should try to be more 'human'. Probably should not despise retarded ppl so much, not hate distasteful music so much, bitch so much about incorrect grammer and stuff and come out of my comfort zone.

The thing is that it's hard. The moment you will yourself to not think about it, or to turn for the better, one bloody retard has to appear/ one new fail song has to be released/ one egregious spelling error appears/ etc.

So on my road to enlightenment, I shall:

1. Not curse and cuss so much.

2. Just leave things be.

3. Close one eye always.

P.s. Down & Love, Me are nice songs. Like really, really.

The scales are tipping - the other way.

2009-11-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

Prom. Yeah, it was alright. passable I guess. I went there for the experience, and I gained a few lessons.

1. I abhor crowds or socialising.

2. I hate social activities; things that make you move around and stuff.

3. I love music.

4. I dislike grooving to music.

5. I want a sound-proof room so that I can blast my music in the future.

6. I am contemplating a change into the music form of career.

7. I dont fit into this world.

8. I am worried for my future life - career wise.

9. I have a high tolerance level.

10. I dont succumb to temptation easily.

11. I dont really like taking pictures.

12. I should learn to tolerate stupid people more.

13. I should learn to refine my actions.

That's the shitload I learnt after prom. Go figure.

I kind of wished you were here.

I need to get some social skills, and get more friends.

Bai.

Hai.

2009-11-23T02:40:00.000+08:00

This blog post is just to show that I'm still alive and kicking.

The afterdays.

2009-11-20T18:22:00.005+08:00

It'z boring days ever since Os ended. I'd have very much preferred the hectic rush, and spending time crapping, rather than mapling all day now. Granted, the studying wasnt what I wanted. Yet to find a job, and running low on patience.

5 more months of holidays. How to pass em?

Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.

It's holidays - OFFICIALLY!

2009-11-12T02:49:00.002+08:00

WOOHOO! It's alllllllll over! Exams? What's that? Can eat?

Shiok. Most of my subjs were passed with relative ease, others fraught with difficulties.

And fuck chinese. I did shit for it, except for sleeping in the exam hall and doing something epic.

When I saw the composition question for Paper 1, I knew I had to do it.

你一度失去信心，后来又一件事让你重拾信心。试把这件事写出来。

It translates to:

You once lost your confidence, and you regained it back after an incident. Write out how it happened.

So I wrote:

我一相(sic)来对华文考试没有信心，但我看了这题，我突然信心十足。

Which translates to:

I've always had no confidence in Chinese exams, but upon seeing this question, I was suddenly filled with confidence.

Yes, I only wrote that long. I wonder how many marks I can get. Creativity marks plox?

So now, it's all maple and dota. And work, if I want to be able to go for prom and partehsssss.

K back to "work". TTYL

It's holidays - unofficially!

2009-11-07T16:55:00.004+08:00

I declare my exams over. No more studying and waking up thinking of what subjs are coming up next. Now it's all dota and maple; not like it wasn't this way before exams. I only have to go back to school for 4 more days now, and I'm free of it, for sure this time.

Really, risks are there for you to take. Why else do they present themselves to you time and again?
Whatever the outcome, you'll be glad you took the risk. I'm sure.

Blue hair, blue hair, blue hair.

Just like clockwork.

2009-11-02T18:59:00.003+08:00

Today was probably the best day of all the test days I've been through.

I studied the most for the subjects I was going to be tested today; Chem. And I sure did not disappoint myself, except for a minor blip. There was SS too, with which I was spot on with my topic-spotting.

I studied from 12pm Sunday afternoon to 5am Monday morning, for mostly SS.

I wonder really why this year all the schools wanted to spot venice. Predictably, it didnt come out.

Chem was total easy shit, but I friggin lost 2 marks due to carelessness. Must be the lack of sleep.

1 MORE DAY TO THE END OF OS!

A feeling of victory and uncertainty.

2009-10-30T00:32:00.003+08:00

Hai, I'm in the midst of Os. Truth be told, this year is much less hectic than last year. I still have time to dota (just did a few minutes ago), maple (just did a few hours ago) and surf the net. That's not to say I'm flunking my Os yet again. In fact, this year, I'm very much confident of securing an excellent result.

The thing that I fear is that my english does not get an A1 and the same goes for my Comp studies.
I'm also praying that my hair does not get caught in the midst of an exam. It's darn long but I'm not going to cut it until the end of Os.

Help, I'm bored now.

The start of it all.

2009-10-26T23:51:00.002+08:00

HELL IS UPON ME. Okay, not really, but you get my drift. Studying sucks.

Laz talk about english. I'm confident I will pass, but I am not sure that I will get an A1 for sure. I did all the shit I could, so the rest is up to fate.

I'm confident of Comb Sci & Comp Studies, which will more or less guarantee half my trip to poly. I'm darn motivated and driven to get into poly now. Fuckfuckfuck. No way am I staying back again.

I'm confused. Like really. It's not everyday you have to think like this. I want to know too, but I know the answer is far from me. I will if you will.

The cusp of it all.

2009-10-24T22:24:00.002+08:00

The big thing starts monday. All I can hope for is an easy Single word for paper 1, or an extremely hard word which I understand. All the rest will be up to fate, since I've done all that I can to prepare for the papers.

Mathsmathsmathsmaths. How I wish that I will be able to pass it and more.

Sup sup. Lots of stunts coming up right after O lvls, and I cant wait for them.

Study Marathon Success!

2009-10-22T07:02:00.001+08:00

YES! I'm back from a study marathon. Was supposed to survive for 40 hours, but only managed a 35 hour; nonetheless good and productive too. Special thanks to XX for tonning with me through one whole night. Passxx.

Frigging slept for 12 hours straight and now i'm so refreshed and ready for the sci practical in 3 hours. The only thing I'm worried about is my uncutted hair. But even if they dont let me in, I will still be able to score an A in my sci. No worries there.

My maths is still flopping around like a half-dead fish. Helphelphelphelp.

Why avoid risks in life just so that we can make it safely to death?

Actions speaks louder than words?

Expect the unexpected.

Probably the last of it all.

2009-10-18T21:46:00.004+08:00

It's a few days left. Somehow, it's not all happiness that I'm leaving this school. The significant part of leaving this school is about the people, not the school itself.

Deepavali was a blast more than last year. Loads of fun, food and laughter. The 'celebration' lasted all the way to 8am the next day.

The last of all lasts.

2009-10-16T20:47:00.002+08:00

The days left to the start of O lvls are counting down by themselves. I'm not scared, but I am hyped up. I am already looking forward to the results, which I have no doubts I will do very much better than that of the last year.

I have a lot to look forward to; my blue hair next year, the skills I am going to learn, the freedom I am going to get, and the money I am going to earn.

For now, I have to face maths and its boring numbers. After that, freedom will be returned to the imprisoned.

Dota?

2009-10-14T21:54:00.001+08:00

Oh sheeeeet.

2009-10-11T23:32:00.001+08:00

Sian. I just finished watching 39 street fighter videos all at one go. Daigo Umehara is really godly. He can practically own anyone.

Happier people are luckier.

Rising from the ashes.

2009-10-09T23:22:00.002+08:00

Hai. I've not been able to use my comp properly for the past few days, which accounts for the lack of posts.

I'm proud to say my computer is stranger-unfriendly. So I dont have to worry about ppl stealing my comp.

14 Days. Sprint or jog? It's a no-brainer, but I'm still jogging. Not to worry though, prodom is helping me with maths, and most of the other subjects are all secured aces. Singapore Poly here I come.

I'm sure now. It's not you I seek.

It feels damn nostalgic listening to old songs of my previous collections. I found my first music collections off a CD, and it really reminds me very much of last time. The good old days. In 2 years, my songs have increased in quality and quantity. But the old ones are still the best.

Chairs - to be sat on.

2009-10-05T21:57:00.003+08:00

Chairs are created for a reason. They are not for squatting on to make you think that you are oh-so-cool. Motherfaggots.

Sparklers and candles.

2009-10-03T02:02:00.005+08:00

Fun after night studies.

Nice cat.

I feel more invigorated these days; more impetus to study, play and interact. Even though O lvls are near, I still do not feel the stress and pressure to do well. That's not to say I'll not do well though.

I'm much more motivated to study these days. And I really have been. I am going to launch into a marathon during the consultation period; no computer and all books and notes.

I'm listening to so much alternative rock that I kind of miss mainstream music. All the old songs I used to listen to seem to feel nicer. Too bad I cant remember their names.

Everything in life has its purpose. When you see an eraser, you dont use it as a pencil right?

LOL

I'm a circle incomplete
I'm a heart that barely beats
All the memories stay forever like tattoos
I'm a star without a sky
I'm hello with no goodbye
I'm the dreams that we had that never will come true
That's me with no you

There is only one reason to go.

Prolcmz.

2009-10-02T04:09:00.001+08:00

Aloof.

2009-09-29T20:30:00.005+08:00

Today, I attended the second Graduation assembly in CCKSS. Not an honour, and certainly not fun as well - at least for me. This year is very much scaled down, leaving the video making to the AVA and some people from 4/1 - compared to last year when classes did their own videos. It's good and bad in ways. Good because it helps to prevent people from making totally retarded videos with Windows Movie Maker. But on the other hand, it muffles the video making skills of those who have them; I'm not referring to myself for the latter, but I definitely do not belong to the former.

It would have been meaningful to others, and it was to me as well, but for entirely different reasons. They would have gone there for the memories and the graduation itself, while I went to disseminate the speech. And I sure picked up a lesson or two. Firstly, my principal is hypocritical. She says that there were a lot of helpers from the alumni in the previous years, but this year seems as if there is not many. Know what? I brought some of the ex-students to night study, and they were disallowed entry. The next day, Mrs tang said that you should not bring OUTSIDERS to school. Sure, that makes for a good welcome-back gift for them eh. Stop on the H1N1 already. It have not and is currently not and will not affect any of the students. If you are so afraid, you might as well close down the school. That would certainly save everyone's asses wouldn't it?

Next up are speeches by students. I am not picking bones or fights here, but I really beg to differ with some of the points and motivational words said. Someone mentioned that you are not competing with others, but you are competing with yourself to push the limit(somewhere along that line). However, in whichever way you look at it, and however much you try to deny, the fact remains that you are indeed competing, intensely at that, with others. You can get a mediocre result, and claim that you did your best, but ultimately, if you go nowhere, it is pointless. That statement sounds delusional to me.

Sure, I believe in motivation, but it should be that it really inspires and motivates, not deluding and falsifying.

I am motivated to do well, and it is not because of the motivation thrown around this afternoon. It will be to prove people wrong, and the first on the list will be the teachers. I'm going to do this only for myself, and dont try and claim credit that you helped me a lot on my journey to graduation. The only way this school helped me would be that they sold textbooks in school and that they gave me a second chance. That would be all. Of course some teachers have helped tremendously; Mdm Prema, Mr Kong, Ms Chow and some others who have helped one way or another.

I must be crazed, but I am liking what I'm doing, even though I cant find the reason why. If the plan capitulates, it may mean a time for an alternate measure. It's the things not the person.

Screwed royally.

2009-09-28T00:02:00.005+08:00

I've got a lot of things I want to do, and I can't wait to start on them, but my current situation is such that I can do none of them with my full commitment, without feeling the guilt of having not studied for my mock exams.

Tmr's a balanced day. There is an easy paper (English) and an extremely hard paper (F&N). Seriously, when I was given the option to drop F&N, I should have just taken it gladly. Good luck to me.

I love my computer more and more each day. Everyday, I am finding new things to do with it, new stuff to put on it, new songs to listen to, new websites to browse and dota. I know that once I press the 'Sign in' button of my WLM, there will be no chance that I will switch it off to study. It's proven over the past 3 days, when the earliest I slept was 4 or 5 in the morning. Blast the computer.

I always thought I could hate no one. I was proven wrong of course. When there are people like Kanye West, Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Peas and Ris Low, you'll find that it's hard not to hate people, especially people who are retarded (those aforementioned). I'm sure many will beg to differ, but those are my views, and they are substantiated in my own ways. Disclaimer: I am not anti-hermaproditism, nor am I anti-blacks.

Really, I'm more aware than you think I am. Before I was told, I already knew it. The site is inactive, but still it's on the top 3 of my browser, what do you think?

Silence is golden.

2009-09-25T16:56:00.005+08:00

Cursor Invisible
It's fun yaw. My highscore is 277

Edit: Yay, new highscore 380.

The Heart Never Lies

Some people laugh, some people cry
Some people live, some people die
Some people run, right into the fire
Some people hide their every desire
But we are the lovers

If you don't believe me
Then just look into my eyes
'cause the heart never lies

Some people fight, some people fall
Others pretend they don't care at all
If you wanna fight I'll stand right beside you
The day that you fall I'll be right behind you
To pick up the pieces

If you don't believe me
Just look into my eyes
'cause the heart never lies

Woah

Woah

Another year over, and we're still together
It's not always easy, but I'm here forever
We are the lovers

I know you believe me
When you look into my eyes
'cause the heart never lies
Hey

And we are the lovers
I know you believe me
When you look into my eyes
'cause the heart never lies

Oh-oh-woah
Woah

Another year over, and we're still together
It's not always easy, but I'm here forever

Yeah we are the lovers, I know you believe me
When you look into my eyes
'cause the heart never lies

'cause the heart never lies

Because the heart never lies

Vociferous & compromising.

2009-09-24T21:52:00.003+08:00

I love helvetica.

My father is an idealist. This I found out today. It's good to be an idealist. It's not good to be over the top, however. At a time of crisis, it's much better to set your foot down in stone, and be more practical.

I assure you, it will stay the way I want.

Savage salvation.

2009-09-23T03:56:00.003+08:00

I'm happy-sad. For no reason. Or maybe there is. I'm happy because I love the music I'm listening to. I'm sad because of life.

One in a lifetime chance, yet you are willing to forfeit it. Really, it's to your regret. I've looked back, with nostalgia, glad that one was made in memory of the precious past. A picture speaks a thousand words.

Fishes aplenty. I found a coelacanth, and all I know is, once lost, its gone forever. That, however, doesn't help in assuaging my passiveness. I know, all the dolphins in the world cannot make up for that one coelacanth. Oh the dilemma.

I want to buy a jigsaw puzzle and solve it all by myself. Ok, one is not enough. I want to buy jigsaw puzzles.

1 more month, to hello and goodbye.

Boon or bane?

2009-09-20T22:37:00.004+08:00

I had wanted to write about games, but didnt have the mood to write it out.

K so I'm going to start studying tmr. That is, if I can put myself into the mood. By the end of these 4 weeks of mock exams, it will show if I'm ready for war. For now, I'm confident for 2 of the 7 subjects I have. And fuck chinese. It's a fucking waste of my precious time.

Random BBQ and sleepover at Rosey's house. It was damn hilarious that we were playing Blind mice in the reading room of the condo, which was ridiculously small. There were 11 of us packed into a small room, which made for pure laughter and fun. 7 stayed for the sleepover, and Dahh fell first at like 2am only. I fell second, together with Navi, cause there was basically nothing to do except to watch 3 people playing dota. Left 9am the next day.

So that BBQ and sleepover fried my weekends, since I didnt do shit on sat before the event, and I've been using the comp ever since I woke up at 7pm Sunday. Now I'm left with monday to mug.

I like. Xperia X3

Secretly secretive.

2009-09-18T19:39:00.003+08:00

The average woman cannot keep a secret for longer than 47 hours, according to a new study.

Researchers found women will typically spill the beans to at least one other person in 47 hours and 15 minutes, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Depending on who the gossip is about, their boyfriend, husband, best friend or mother are the most likely to be the first person they tell.

The study of 3,000 women, aged between 18 and 65, also found that four out of ten admitted they were unable to keep a secret - no matter how personal or confidential.

It also found that alcohol usually gives us a helping hand to blurt out secrets with more than half admitting a glass or two of wine could prompt them to dish the dirt.

Michael Cox, UK Director of Wines of Chile, which commissioned the research to mark Chile's National Day, said: "It's official - women can't keep secrets.

"We were really keen to find out with this survey how many secrets people are told. What we didn't bank on was how quickly these are passed on by those we confide in.

"No matter how precious the piece of information, it's often out in the public domain within 48 hours. That means every single Brit who has confided in a friend should be worried because they don't know where their secret is heading."

Intimate issues, the true cost of purchases and affairs emerged top of the secret-keeping list, with girls most likely to share a secret chatting face-to-face, on the phone or via a text message.

Fortunately for some though, more than a quarter said they forgot what they were told the following day.

Source

I just cant seem to let go, nor can I seem to get myself into it.

It's the last stretch now. Surely, I must gear up, for the impending trials before me. I have the foundation for most but Chinese and maths, which are what I predict will fail. If that happens, the most that will happen to me will be that I choose another course instead of HRM. It will be a pity, but that's as a last resort which I hope I dont have to turn to.

More aft this, dota first.

I'm impressed.

2009-09-16T20:47:00.004+08:00

This is with a white border, which you wouldn't be able to see with my blogskin.

This is with a black border, which you will be able to see.

Due to popular demand, I've putted the border there. An improvised one, not the best, since I have yet to think of how to edit the motto and background, but I thought to at least show my progress.

I'm impressed. I thought I was the best at it. But you prove me wrong, surpassing me in a field which I thought belonged to me.

I was making changes to my previous posts, to include labels so that in future I will be able to find all those stuff more conveniently. And upon looking back, I realised the Me last time could be described in such a way; tried too hard and too eager to impress. At least now, I think I'm much more controlled, and not as retarded as the me of old.

I've underperformed. Not once, not twice, but upwards of trice. It all began with PSLE, where half my class got into the Special stream, while by a twist of fate, I landed up here in CCKSS. I'm not sure of the friends I would make if I had scored better, but I appreciate all the friends I've made thus far.

The next major one comes from last year; O levels. It was kind of expected, but with its element of surprise as well. I thought that, before I got my results, I would at least be able to make it to a poly, whichever course it is. In the end, I made it nowhere but back to the same old place. Same thing here, I'm not sure if I could have made better friends if I were somewhere else, but I certainly cherish the friends I've made this year.

I just hope, this will not be the next pitfall for me. I've had enough at the moment thanks. However, the situation seems all too familiar, at this point of time. I've yet to start my revision, and I'm unprepared for almost all my subjects. English is my saving grace, but English alone will not save my results. I'm always motivated, but I dont put my mind to action. I've been trying to will myself to start revision, but most of the time, it will fall face first. My wake up call should have came last year. This year is supposed to be when I do my best, and get my ass out of this school. 5 years is 1 too many for me.

Adios CCKSS. This I will swear by.

Studying to break free.

2009-09-15T03:50:00.002+08:00

K STUDY!

Winner or loser?

2009-09-13T21:37:00.014+08:00

Win or lose, it's how you play the game that counts. Unless you lose very badly. Then you should probably be ashamed of yourself and quit.

Today is the day you can do something great. Don't let anyone tell you that TV and a large bag of Cheetos isn't something great.

When running a race, you'll often find that you can improve your time by running faster.

All koped from here. Gogo it's damn funny - and retarded.

OMFG! And look at this!

I just stumbled on a page, which lists the popularity of each programming language (it's here, if you are interested). Seems like I need to review my interests again. Seems like C++ isn't as popular as it seems to sound. PHP and C seems to be the in. Disclaimer: I'm going for the popularity, because it's more useful to learn a skill which is more recognised. Since I know nuts about programming, I'd do better to start with the more popular ones; that is if I can even sustain my interest. Now I can teach dom Photoshop and he can teach me PHP. Dom & lcmz passures.

I dont know which one is nicer - or maybe both plain sucks. Either way, comments are highly appreciated.

Persona

2009-09-12T23:09:00.003+08:00

You are quiet, skillful and reserved. You don’t mince words. When you finally speak, it is to let people know exactly where you stand.

You are not bound by policy or standard convention, rather your mind is open to every possibility and you excel at finding novel approaches to solving problems because of this.

You are likely to adopt a hobby involving mastery of a tool, such as fishing or hunting, and since you have a special talent for mastering tools you are likely to achieve the highest level of skill in your field.

You are a master of the tools of your trade and an excellent craftsman. Better than most, you know exactly how to use tools for maximum advantage. You enjoy work where you can visually see your results when the project is complete, not matter how simple or complex.

You are not interested in small talk, and actually may speak very little in general when compared to other people. Because you are not very expressive, some people think of you as a loner, and teachers may have mistakenly labeled you as “dyslexic” when you actually were born with an inclination for communicating through actions rather than words. You learn by doing, rather than by hearing, seeing or reading.

Standard grade school was not intended for students like you, and you probably found it incredibly tedious and boring. You were designed to use your hands and mind to master tools which other people cannot. When introduced to new tools, including weapons, your skill develops faster and further, and you speak more technically about it than other’s could even with more time and practice.

You feel most comfortable when other people don’t know exactly what to expect from you. This leaves your options open to take whatever action you’d like without it being particularly shocking to anyone. In fact, even those close to you never know whether you’ll respond to something with instant enthusiasm or reserved thought.

You particularly enjoy unexpectedly stepping up to tackle a mechanical or instrument problem and then solving it with ease, although you’ll steer clear if the problem involves people or attitudes. If you absolutely must refer to the directions then you will read only the part which specifically applies to the problem at hand. You like work which has a definite end, a completion point, rather than “research” or “administration” which could continue on forever.

You are observant and will watch your environment, collecting data, constantly. This makes you especially valuable in an emergency because you are the most likely to have spotted things going wrong and know the source of problems before anyone else.

You don’t waste energy on creating plans which might not work out anyway. You prefer to face each day anew and tackle problems as they arise. You rely on yourself and trust common sense to get things done in nearly all circumstances.

As a parent you do not feel the need to impose yourself or your standards on your children the way others do. In your eyes your children are individuals and you will respond to each of them according to their situations at any given time. Your spouse and your children know that you will give them the freedom and space they need to be their own person and you expect the same treatment in return.

You may attend a big party or social family function, but without a doubt you prefer the company of a few close friends and the tool of your hobby, be it a fishing pole or a guitar.

Some quiz which I did out of boredom. Kind of reflects what I am. I like the part on school. Fuck school.

/rant.

2009-09-12T18:14:00.004+08:00

Hai I'm back again. And I'm here to bitch about poor english again.

Will it kill to just take a minute effort to just spellcheck whatever you happen to be typing or writing? It wouldn't kill you to churn out a block of grammatically perfect text. When I see errors as such, I really want /facepalm. For those guilty of the above, it wouldn't hurt to visit here to brush up on your grammer. Seriously, people like that makes me want to die inside.

Next up on the flaming list are people who are poor listeners. If you want others to listen to you, you have to listen to others first. If you think this world is only about you, maybe it's time for a reality check. Hearing what I have said is not the same as listening to what I have said. Likewise, a tiny effort to absorb what the speaker is talking about will not kill. On the contrary, it builds a better relationship. So ffs, make use of your ears.

When I think of more things which abhor me, I will continue on it. For now, this is it.

Shut the fuck up so you can hear what I'm saying.

What to do?

2009-09-11T05:27:00.004+08:00

Ok, so I attended a motivational workshop yesterday. Useful, but only slightly. The coach said '1 month of life is better than your future no life'. It sure is true, but I can't put down my life now, even if it is only 1 month - or should I say, since there is only 1 month left.

I just hope, this year will not turn out like the last.

My priorities are screwed. They are as follow:
(By descending order of importance)
1. Graduation video (60% done)
2. Clan fml header & footer (0% done)
3. Photoshop (0.1% accomplished)
4. Finish sampling all the songs I have on hand - 1.2 gb (10% done)
5. English (Thesaurusing) (0% done)
6. O levels Revision (5% done)
7. The rest

If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don’t, you will find an excuse.

I will have to finish everything on top first, excluding photoshop and the thesaurus of course, before I can really start on my revision, and that's to say IF there are no further commitments coming my way. GLHF off to dota.

Happy?

2009-09-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

Open-ness breeds happy-ness.

2009-09-08T23:13:00.004+08:00

It feels good to be more open. I think today was the first day I ever initiated a "Goodnight" to my neighbour-of-another-floor. It, of course, doesn't stop there. I also happened to see my neightbour-of-the-same-floor. I think I would usually avoid greeting or looking at my neighbours. It feels better to start off or end off another person's day with a greeting. I love that.

The graduation video is undergoing rapid progress. A lot of hard work and repetition are involved, but when it's flashed on the screen, I know it will be worth all the effort; because I've done so before. It may not necessarily be the best, but it sure will be the most entertaining.

Preview of what is to come. Stay tuned.

One way or another.

2009-09-06T18:47:00.003+08:00

That's a good life for you.

Edited this out of fun and a little bit of inspiration from a website.

This. Something which I wanted to do a few months ago, but my previous computer couldnt support the huge amount of text needed, so I had to drop that. Now, the result speaks for itself doesnt it?
p.s Helvetica is a damn nice font.

I have been playing for the past 4 days, which is a waste of time undoubtedly. I should get the video over and done with. It is kind of giving me an excuse to get on the comp.

Ok something on the physic re-prelim. It was expectedly easier, but unexpectedly short. I took 1 hour and 5 mins to finish both Mcq and paper 2. To think my request for early dismissal was approved too.

Now now, it's the holidays, but it's not the time to let up yet. So i guess my physics and most other subjs are covered for now, which leaves maths in the dust.
My maths teacher now keeps saying that the things are very straightforward, but it does not apply to everyone. If you dont have a fucking proper foundation like me, things can be tricky indeed.

A repertoire of skills is very important, for it will last you through your life. But it's kind of depressing to see that there are professionals, many of them mind you, who peddle their trade everywhere, which makes the market damn saturated, i.e photoshop professionals who have their own sites and everything.

Right now, I am only at the bottom of the mountain. When I look up, I see a steep face of the mountain, with stepping stones, but few and far between.

All the way up and all the way down.

Operation Graduation

2009-09-03T20:35:00.008+08:00

Heyo. I'm here, despite it not being sunday. Honestly, I'm not really abiding fully by it, but at least I'm trying to refrain myself. This time, however, I have a valid reason for being online; Operation Graduation. A bit early, but I dont wish to do it last minute this time, so as not to lose out in quality of course. The song is ready to go, and the subtitles are in the making. The pictures are the only things lacking.

I like his face.

My most recent resolution, the one on reading the dictionary, is now suspended, as Dominic the Generous thinks that reading a thesaurus will work better. So I'm waiting for the arrival of his thesaurus - mine to be - now.

I want to keep a fish. Something which will still be alive at the end of 5 years.

Are you?

2009-08-30T22:04:00.002+08:00

It's sunday. And it's ending soon. At least monday will be a short day, since it's teacher's day celebration.

I found out that I can study better at home, even though where I study, there is the computer facing my back, tempting me to switch it on. I didnt switch on the comp for the whole of saturday, and that in itself, is an accomplishment.

So what have I studied? Physics and maths; more of the former. And, I'm pretty confident that I will not be with Mr Lau aft the re-prelim for Physics; which can only be done by scoring within one of the top 10 positions. Kind of makes me wonder if my Sci A1 is finally down.

Also, I have set another resolution. It's much easier to accomplish, considering my avid interest in it. I'm going to read 10 pages of the dictionary in detail everyday. I've calculated that it will take me 190 days to finish it; but I happen to only have 60 odd to work with. I still believe with that 1/4 of that book, I can score a 6 for language for summary. 5 is not enough for my A1.

I'm still waiting to see, if it is going to happen again.

Hard work. It has always irked me to see people who work hard, and in the end, get rewarded with good prospects; something which I feel they do not deserve. Yes, working hard is a quality well sought after. But alongside that quality, should be other qualities which are worthy of praise, such as a touch of wit, genius or some brains. From what I see, a hardworking person with no brains or no skills should just become a slave, since that's what that person will excel in. I'm that harsh. The fact is that companies look for talent WITH the ability to work hard, not only the latter alone. Memorisation skills alone does not warrant a place anywhere. At least grow some brains.

I may sound sore, but that's the real deal; which will show with time. I just hope that when that time arrives, no one is crying.

First impressions.

2009-08-27T22:27:00.002+08:00

First impressions are important, but they do not truly reflect what the person really is like. I'm often a victim of misjudged first impressions; in that my first impressions of people don't usually match with what they are like. It's like, what I see, just gives me a negative first impression. And often, I'm mistaken. It's good to be proven wrong though, since the better side of people is much more pleasing to be with.

I'm really studying now, but I got a tinge of fear that it may be a case of "too little, too late". I thought I will be able to manage my late push, but some estimations brings me closer than ever to a harsh reality; that I may not make it to revise everything. Nevertheless, trying doesn't hurt.

I am like studying sec 2 maths now, all thanks to Mdm Koh. She's not a bad teacher, it's just that my absorption rate of knowledge under her is like a rock. So that's what led to my A to F. So I'm going back in hope that I can turn back the tide and go for an A again. The best of luck and effort I will need.

If it is not meant to be yours, let it go. If it ever comes back, it's yours.